Validation

To know that their feelings,thoughts and actions are valid can help in the management of BPD. Many borderlines often doubt their own judgement or worth and need/seek approval from others in an effort to feel accepted or competent.


This usually, but not always,stems from a lack of encouragement, endorsement and acceptance by family members or peers whilst they were at an age when they should have been developing self-esteem and confidence.

The need of the Borderline to receive this validation can often lead to a dependency on others to feel good about themselves or to take control of situations/make decisions on their behalf.


In order to stop or prevent this reliance on others, the Borderline must build their confidence and create their own achievements. This is not to say they should be left to deal with things alone, but to be enabled, through support and guidance, to reach their own potential.



Acceptance of their ability to change things for the better can be a hurdle - they may have had disappointments or negative outcomes from previous attempts and have now come to believe that they will suffer the same fate again and will be reluctant to even try for fear of failure/rejection.



Many people with BPD say that they feel that they are treated with hostility, a lack of compassion, made to feel that they are to blame or are weak because of their lack of emotional control.



Some family members and friends fail to see that getting angry, upset or confrontational with a Borderline is both unhelpful and possibly detrimental to the Borderline's already fragile mental state and in many cases may actually make the episode more intense and prolonged than it otherwise would have been.


A more productive way to help would be to listen and understand WHY they feel this way, ALLOW them to be upset and DON'T judge them on how they cope with strong emotions.

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Validation doesn't mean that you agree with what they do or feel but you can sympathize

The behavior of someone may not be acceptable but to know that it was an understandable reaction can help deal with the 'why's' and 'what if's' of problematic issues and can lead to a better understanding of how to move forward.