Behind the Borders
An easy to understand look at Borderline Personality Disorder.
Self Esteem
Self esteem is developed though our experiences and interactions, depending on whether these factors are positive or negative, we develop a sense of identity, self perception and self worth from them.
Many people with BPD have low self esteem - a not knowing/ dislike of who they are. This is often, but not always, due to being told or treated in a negative way, repeatedly, by someone in whom we have placed trust or whose opinion we valued.
Characteristics of Low Self Esteem
Social withdrawal
Anxiety and emotional turmoil
Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
Less social conformity
Eating disorders
Inability to accept compliments
An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
Accentuating the negative
Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
Self neglect
Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
Worrying whether you have treated others badly
Reluctance to take on challenges
Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
Reluctance to trust your own opinion
Expecting little out of life for yourself
Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'....to try to brainwash people to feel better about themselves is too superficial an approach. And the person with low self esteem senses this.
The confidence and belief have to come from within!
The route to higher self-esteem, and thinking more positively about yourself includes:
Acceptance – of your true strengths and weaknesses
Help – with realistic goals to allow you to develop your abilities
Encouragement –with realistic planning and timetabling
Praise – for your achievements so you can enjoy them
Respect – to be proud of who you are
Trust – feel more confident in your own thoughts and feelings
Time - learn to know yourself and enjoy your own thoughts.
Self-esteem is not the same as self-centredness. It does not mean you are selfish or egotistical but it does allow you to appreciate the qualities you do have and respond to others in a positive and productive way. It can help you feel better about yourself and better about others around you.
Too high an expectation of ourselves, comparison to others and lack of confidence all negatively affect how we view ourselves.
Tips for building self esteem:
It is said that we are like the 5 people we most associate with...do you feel the people in your life are helping or hindering you? Although not easy, it is best to try and avoid negative people or better still cut them out of your life altogether.
Setting yourself small attainable goals or smaller more realistic steps towards a bigger goal will help boost your confidence as you will see results quicker and be encouraged to continue.
Allow yourself a small time each day to sit, relax, contemplate your goals and acknowledge your accomplishments. They don't have to be amazing life changing things, even getting tasks done around the house, going out if you usually stay in or weeding the garden are all achievements when you have been having a bad day!
Spend some time on your appearance, if you look good, you'll feel good!
Do things that make you feel good - find a hobby or cause that you are passionate about.
Start a list of positive things about yourself that you like, it might only have 1 thing on the list but you can add to it as you find things - aim for at least 1 per week.
Remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving of praise and compliments, remember, to think of yourself now and then is NOT selfish, it is a necessity for a happy and content life and important in your journey of self discovery and healing.
Copyright 2012