Helping in a crisis

A crisis point is reached when the person with BPD is a danger to themselves or others or if you are unable to cope.

Tips for friends/family for managing a crisis:

Remain calm and try to get them to breath slowly and relax, being in a quiet, safe room may help.

If they have been prescribed medication, have they been taking them? If not then read the instructions and give appropriate dosage. If they have been learning DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy), skills try and get them focused enough to try using the techniques.

Try to get them to reveal what it is that they are thinking or feeling or what caused them to get so upset. Listen to what they have to say without criticism or judgement. If you are the cause, stop the conversation that triggered the outburst and give them room to breathe, it is likely that they will calm down and regain reasonable thinking again a lot quicker if allowed time to think.

Accept and remember that things said at this time may just be out of frustration and should not be taken personally, even if they are directed at you.

Distraction techniques may help - listening to music, reading a book, or using their emotions creatively - writing or art.

Communicate your faith in their ability to get through the crisis.

Ask if there is anything you can do or get for them, if you feel able and willing to do so.

If you are unable to calm them down or don't feel like you are in control of the situation, contact their doctor or mental health worker if they have one.

If they are threatening to/have hurt themselves or others, call the emergency services.

Do not under any circumstances tolerate unacceptable behavior.
Do not tolerate abuse of any kind. You are not a punching bag or a target for degrading insults. If they hit you, leave. If you stay, you will only endanger yourself and you will give them one more thing to hate themselves for, later. Don’t do it

Following a crisis, tips for friends and family:

Don't expect too much from the person after a crisis, they may feel drained,confused, embarrassed or guilty about their behavior. They may need time to themselves to 'just be' and this is fine, allow them to reflect on things but reassure them that you are around to listen if they need you to.

Try and spend time with them,when they are ready, doing things that they enjoy and help them feel more positive.

Practical things may need doing around the house, offer to lend them a hand but don't do it all, they just need some help getting back on top of things so they can continue to recover and recovery includes doing things for themselves.

Going outside may seem daunting to them so it might help if you offer to accompany them until they feel more comfortable being alone.

Encouraging them to socialize will help avoid possible isolation.