Educate yourself as to what BPD is - you can't deal with things you don't understand!

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Look after your own needs - people with BPD have very rapid mood & thought changes, what has been forgotten by them may have a longer lasting impact on you - take time out for you and ask for help/advice/support if you feel you need it - there is no shame in admitting that things are getting difficult.

The term 'walking on eggshells' is thrown around a lot when talking about helping someone with BPD and whilst a lot of people do feel that they are doing just that, I would suggest that other than avoiding the main and obvious triggers, do and say what you want - I know many people might disagree but I think most people with BPD would prefer others to be open and honest with them about things, how else can they feel they can trust you? I think they would actually respect you for being honest.

Borderlines are generally very low on self esteem and confidence, they may feel that they are not worthy of your attention and love, that others are more attractive or that you will one day wake up and see them for what they perceive themselves to be - a terrible and broken person. Because of these type of thoughts, it is important to show affection and remind them that they are loved...that you are choosing to be there!

Consistency and routine may also help the person with BPD feel more settled and reassured, if you are going to be late for example, tell them - you couldn't imagine the thoughts that people with BPD have when a loved one is late home by half an hour!...death, affairs,secrets are to name a few!..another reason for honesty. Again, a lot of this is the need for reassurance.

Exercise patience. Although it is easy to become impatient with their erratic behavior, it will make the situation worse. When they are having an outburst, let them carry-on until the episode is over. Understand that they don't enjoy behaving badly and most likely feel scared and helpless.

Don't dismiss their thoughts and feelings, just because they might be having a bad day doesn't mean that what they are saying doesn't hold any truth. Hurtful things may get said but although they might not seem relevant to you, it is obviously something that has stemmed from somewhere. Take time to talk about things after an argument, don't just brush it under the carpet.

Don't try and invalidate their feelings and emotions, look for opportunities to validate and affirm how they are feeling instead.  - yes, what happened may be in the past but they are living with it everyday, sometimes in very vivid detail. Allow them time to cry, be alone or sleep, they will, hopefully, explain why they felt that way once the intensity of the feelings have passed.

Make sure that you are aware of any support network the Borderline has - doctors, mental health workers, friends etc and their contact details in-case you should need to get in touch with them. It might also be helpful to make a network of your own in case you need support or a break.

Joining in with therapy may also be a good idea, or asking to take a DBT skills course so that you can help the person with BPD by proactively using the skills and reminding them of what they should be doing.

On really bad days, when things have hit an all time low, it may be useful to remember WHY you love this person, think about their good attributes and times that have been worth the struggle.

If you are concerned by their behavior or worried for their own or others safety then contact either your doctor, out of hours service, mental health worker - if they have one - or your local hospital in an emergency.

In a lot of cases things may have already been going down hill for some time and it may come down to whether or not you feel that you are capable of having a relationship with someone who has BPD. Not everyone can handle the turbulence and you shouldn't feel guilty about that, it is an illness that has a huge amount baggage and can strain/stress out even the most levelheaded and calm person or relationship.